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Thursday, March 22, 2018

States of Mind: Gratitude and Thankfulness

In the past, psychology has been very focused on what was wrong with people.  It was not unusual to hear terms such as "overly dependent," or even more negative terms such as "orally fixated," "anal," and so on.

Fortunately, now, clinical psychology can talk about people's strengths as well.  Being educated in my Ph.D. program in the seventies, I can throw around negative terms with the best of them.  But I usually don't find that to be useful (except sometimes in psychological testing, but that is a different matter).

Many times issues bring with them to therapy can be normalized to a great degree.  For example, instead of saying to a person in therapy that they have a dependent personality, I might say that they simply are not in a good balance between depending on themselves and depending on others.  It is in fact somewhat normal to have difficulty finding just the right balance in life.

But that is off the point.

Focusing on the positive can mean focusing on growth.  Many situations that bring people into counseling are crisis situations.  Crisis doesn't feel good; but it does one positive thing: it breaks up  old, ensconced behavior patterns and potentially allows for new growth.  It is like breaking up hard, parched ground and letting new seedlings come through.

Early counseling sessions often focus on putting out fires; but often there is often eventually an opportunity in therapy to start looking for new directions in life.  One new direction can be bringing new positives into our lives--looking for what is good, looking for where we have been fortunate.  Gratitude is easier when we have a lot to be thankful for.  But that doesn't always have to be the case.  Even in bad situations, there may be persons who have given us a helping hand, or fortunate turns of events.  When we look for the positives we are likely to find them.

There is a school of therapy that focuses a great deal on reframing.  For example, in losing a job where one was subjected to a tyrannical boss, a reframing interpretation might focus on the possibility that the client has been unconsciously wanting an impetus to move on to something better.  A child who is being "bad" in their behavior may actually be wanting attention to deal with grief or anxiety.  And so on.  There are almost a limitless number of different counseling situations and possible reframes.  The interesting thing to me is that when I work out a reframe with a patient, even if it doesn't seem too plausible at first, I often eventually see it as very plausible.  Reality is a very slippery thing.  We think we have it well in hand until we begin to look at situations from different angles; and then we may begin to realize that we were overly committed to one particular view (e.g., the "bad" kid) and closed off to wider views of reality.

So even in tough situations, they may not be the pure calamity that we think they are.  They may offer the opportunity for growth, and that is something to be thankful for.

With other clients, there is no particular calamity they are facing.  They suffer from depression, anxiety, or perhaps some other emotional state.  But their lives are just normal otherwise.  With these types of clients, there is no struggle to find something for which to be grateful.  But there may be a lack of gratitude simply because that faculty of the mind has not been used  much.

Think it over.  How would it feel to be thankful today?  Are there negative thoughts and emotions that you could set aside for a little while and replace with gratitude?  And if so, why not?  What do you have to lose?

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