Do I Have to Feel Guilty For Having Certain Thoughts?

One of the problems I encounter with my patients is that they have thoughts that make them feel guilty. Sometimes these are thoughts that are evaluating others. Sometimes, they are thoughts which are sexual in nature. Sometimes, they are simply unacceptable in other ways.

This is a very complicated subject, but let me begin by saying that one sure way to create psychological problems in ourselves is to try to reign in our thoughts too closely. This can sometimes lead to repression (thoughts being kept out of awareness through an unconscious process) or denial (when we emphatically deny at a conscious level what we are actually thinking or feeling).

The brain has a variety of structures within it, and they are not all equally under our control. The limbic system can generate emotions, impulses, and thoughts of a sexual, fearful, or hostile nature. It may take a few seconds before we realize what is happening and have a chance to begin to process these rationally. This is normal.

Another issue is the issue of evaluating others. Many people feel guilty because they believe they are judging others. This is partly a problem of words. Judging can be evaluating others (I don't think he looks good with orange hair), or condemning others (Only a worthless bum would have orange hair). Many religions warn against condemning others. However, a person would have to be brain dead in order not to evaluate situations. We evaluate because that's what our brain is built to do and trained to do. There is no sense in feeling guilty about that.

However, in judging people by condemning them in our minds as worthless, inferior, and so on, we are indeed putting ourselves in a very precarious position psychologically (and spiritually). Each person is who they are as a result of their genetics and personal experience as well as decisions they have made. When we judge others, we are in essence saying, "If I had had their genes and their family upbringing, I would be doing better than they." In fact, there is no way of knowing that. Perhaps we would be doing worse!

Judging as condemning can lead to excessive angry feelings. We can evaluate without it necessarily strengthening our anger. But to condemn is to be self righteous and almost always strengthens angry feelings.