Be Kind to Your Therapist and Say Goodbye

I sometimes have clients leave therapy not by saying goodbye (having a termination session) but by just not showing up again.

I'm not sure why this is.  Maybe the client is afraid I will try to talk them out of stopping therapy.  They may be concerned that I will tell them they are not ready to leave therapy.  Maybe they feel embarrassed. Maybe they don't know how to say goodbye.

This type of termination leaves the therapist hanging and not sure what happened.

Perhaps the client may be worried that the therapist will try to convince them that they are not ready to leave therapy.  But actually, in a strange sort of way, having difficulty saying goodbye to the therapist could actually be evidence that the client is not ready to end therapy.  Put another way, being able to be assertive and to say directly to their therapist that they are ready to stop therapy, is a sign of taking responsibility for one's life and being assertive.  It can be seen as a sign of health.

It's not like therapists don't expect termination.  The last statistics I saw were that the average number of therapy sessions for a client is eight, and the median number is six.  Quitting therapy after even a few sessions is not unusual.

Unfortunately, it leaves the therapist hanging when there is no explanation, no goodbye, and no termination.  There is a sense of incompleteness.  And perhaps there is some lack of closure for the client as well.

Let your therapist know your specific reasons, such as not feeling that you are making progress, not being able to afford it, or not feeling that you need it anymore. 



Be kind to your therapist and say "goodbye" when it is time. But be good to yourself, too. Take responsibility for your feelings, and if it is time to leave therapy, then do so in a straightforward manner.