(This is a followup post to my previous one on finding motivation.)
I have many clients who want to do more with their life. However, for one reason or another they find themselves being lethargic and not doing the things they would really want to do in the long run--the big goals in life. In the short run, they come home, fix dinner, watch TV, and go to sleep. The next day they start over again. They do what comes naturally and what is right in front of them. Or they do what is easiest or what absolutely has to be done.
For many of my clients that is not how they want it to be. They want to do more with their lives. But they can't find the energy. Or they can't find the motivation. Or the time never seems to be there. (Another thing which stands in people's way is a fear of failure; but that is a different post.)
Sometimes, in this situation people call themselves "lazy." But as you know (if you have read my previous blogs), I consider the word "lazy" to be a confusing non-explanation, and one which is likely to lead to low self-esteem, depression, and perhaps more lethargy. So let's not go there. Calling ourselves "lazy" explains nothing and fixes nothing.
And so as a counselor working with a client facing this issue, what we may be left with is a big gap between them "wanting to want to do something" and actually doing it.
And if you have read some of my other blogs, you probably realize that I would first look for the explanation of such a problem in the executive functions associated with the frontal lobes. These executive functions are shaped by our genes, our biological history, and our life experiences. Sometimes depression, aging, ADHD, or some other issue interferes with our motivation to do things. (All of these can involve the frontal lobes and executive functions.)
So I am left with trying to help people who want to to want to [do something] but don't. I think that when this happens, there are possible detours around the lack of motivation.
Here are some possible strategies.
Number One. The lethargy is not permanent and 100% of the time. Otherwise, there would be no problem in the person's mind. They would never want to do more, and there would be no problem. When the moment of wanting to want to [do something of significance] strikes, do something which commits you. Join a club. Call a friend and make arrangements to do something. Commit yourself.
Number Two. Find a weekly venue. For me, I have jazz piano lessons every two weeks. I have oil painting lessons every week. So, when my motivation wanes, I know that I will still have to be at my next lesson. (I don't really HAVE to go, but I will. If my teacher is expecting me, I will show up. That's just my personality).
Number Three. If I pay money for something ahead of time, I am likely to follow through with it. Go ahead and buy tickets. That may give you the motivation to follow through. (I know this doesn't always work. Look at all the people with gym memberships who don't go. But it works for some people.) My art lessons require a monthly payment up front. That encourages students to go ahead and show up.
Number Four. Join a group. Sometimes they will urge you to come along and even drag you along even if you don't have the motivation to go. My social group sometimes plans get togethers at the lake, at a musical, or something like that. I would probably not plan one tenth of these for myself and my wife, but I will go along with everyone else.
Number Five. Prime the pump. Sometimes, if I lose interest in painting, just walking the aisles of an art supply store will help me get interested again. I have suggested to clients that they go to the sporting goods store and just look at the hunting or fishing supplies to see if that will stimulate some motivation.
Number Six. Have goals that can be worked on at the spur of the moment. My blog is a great activity for me because I can do it a little at a time. I can do it if I'm bored. I can do it if I get a new idea. I can do it if I wake up in the middle of the night. It's easy to log on to my computer and type.
Number Seven. It is helpful to make a list. It doesn't have to be a big list. In fact, I wold recommend that there is a primary list with only three to five items on it. There could be a secondary list with more items. Put it someplace that you will see it often. Mine comes up when I bring up my online calendar of things to do.
I hope some of these ideas are helpful. If you have some more ideas about how to motivate yourself, please leave a comment.
No comments:
Post a Comment