I was meeting with a group of fellow psychologists the other day. We meet once a month to discuss professional issues. The issue came up that some people do not seem to have any kind of passion in life. They go to work. They come home. They have some fun now and then. But to a great degree, their actions are guided by what they just have to do next or what is right in front of them in the moment.
Many of us want to do something important with our life but don't know what it could be. We may end up just doing what is in front of us rather than setting golas and accomplishing things that would be really satisfying in the end. We may become bored or dissatisfied with our lives.
Ideally, each of us will find at least one passion in life. Finding a passion in life means finding something worthwhile in life beyond just doing our job and what we have to do. And something beyond just pursuing the pleasures of the moment.
Another way of saying this is doing more than just the social and biological imperatives. Let me explain what I mean. To some degree we are programmed to do certain things. We might say that we are programmed to eat, move around, have sex, and sleep. To some degree we are programmed by society to go to school, get married, have kids, and advance in our career. The programming may be social, biological, or both.
But some people seem to go well beyond these imperatives. They volunteer. They find sports that they really enjoy. Or they are involved in the arts. Or they become involved in a hobby. Or in spirituality and religion.
For some people their job is their passion, and that may fit what I am talking about here if it fully utilizes their creative powers. But when I talk about finding a passion, I am talking about something different from just being a workaholic. Being a workaholic can actually be an excuse not to be creative and not to discover what is truly self-fulfilling. Being a workaholic can mean just putting one foot in front of another and not really having to think about what is important. On the other hand, starting a business can be a passion, and it can take tremendous time. It can be self-expressive. And that is why I might make an exception for that type of work.
There is one area where I think it makes sense for our biological imperative to be our passion. And that is our biological programming to raise children. Our passion could be our children. I may be biased here. I just had a new grandchild, and so I am fairly enamored of him and focused on him. Some people have said, and rightly so, that the most important thing we can do in life is raise our children well. But even child rearing can be a trap, however, because in the end the children leave home. If that is our only passion, then we may end up feeling aimless after the kids leave home, at least until the grandchildren arrive.
Another biological imperative could be just staying alive. Finding ourselves in extremely stressful financial circumstances or facing a terminal disease, I think that the healthiest thing one can do is to pour all of one's energy into staying alive and putting food on the table for one's family.
But what about when such circumstances don't exist? When leisure time exists and when there is enough money to do more than just stay alive?
What makes it hard for some people to have a passion, I think, is that they come out of a very under stimulated childhood. It used to be that as children they were simply left to grow up on their own. After doing their chores and going to school, if there was any time left, they could do what they wanted. There is much to be said for that. It allows for play and spontaneity.
But I also believe that ideally children need to be encouraged to try things out. They need to be exposed to things--allowed to see things and do things and hear things that may stimulate them. Soccer, basketball, painting, music, volunteer activities, travel--all of these give a child a chance to sample the world and learn that there is more in life than just their own neighborhood and what is on TV. If a person comes from an under stimulated childhood, then the motivation to do more and seek out more may never develop.
Another thing which may assist in this or impede it is biological temperament. Some people just have more energy and enjoy things more than others. Some have a higher capacity to take risks, and some people are more likely to just stay home and avoid risks. Someone with a "hyper" temperament is more likely to pursue physical activities than someone with a more passive temperament. So I don't want to turn this into a moralistic lecture. This isn't about being bad or good. Sometimes, we just are what we are, and there is no sense moralizing about that.
But there are other times, when a little reflection on our short time on this blue sphere might lead us to take some risks, get off the couch, and try something new.
This leads to the question, "What do we do if we want to do more but we just never get around to doing it?" I am going to try to tackle this in my next blog on "Wanting to Want To," which discusses strategies for motivating ourselves.
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